I cannot find my penis.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
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