i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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