I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
