where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
