Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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