Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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