Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
