dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
