I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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