dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
