she woke up with a sticky ear
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
