I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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