She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
