okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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