I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
