I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Pants are for mortals
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
