With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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