im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
how does that bad decision feel?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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