thus making me awesome and them whores
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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