I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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