Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
