i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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