Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
