somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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