We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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