Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize