Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
there's paper in my vomit.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you traded sex for a burrito?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
