walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
