if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
