One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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