I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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