would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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