I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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