i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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