all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
