I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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