he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
