dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
