My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Duck Duck Cougar?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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