It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
