i may or may not be watching the land before time
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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