I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
