She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
