I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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