i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
