Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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