Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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