I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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