i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
