Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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