Define "chronic" masturbator.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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