I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
