Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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