Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
