whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize