Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They took my balls.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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