we're chasing vodka with high fives
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
