I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
