She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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