I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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