Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
