Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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