Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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