I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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