Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
