I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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