I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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